


The Adventures of Batman and Jaybird

by lalablue0



Series: 413am [6]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics)
Genre: Angry Damian Wayne, Baby Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27851894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalablue0/pseuds/lalablue0
Summary: Headline: Batman has a Baby Robin?Lede: I seen it with my own two eyes, says thug.Byline: Clark KentPlaceline: GothamDateline: April 24th, 20xx
Series: 413am [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017310
Comments: 12
Kudos: 118





	The Adventures of Batman and Jaybird

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, It's me again. My muse has been going nuts lately... so enjoy.

\--

Mast Head: **The Daily Planet**

Headline: **Batman has a Baby Robin?**

Lede: **I seen it with my own two eyes, says thug.**

Byline: **Clark Kent**

Placeline: **Gotham**

Dateline: **April 24th, 20xx**

  
  
  


The Batman of Gotham City is making headlines again thanks to several eyewitness reports claiming that the masked vigilante was out over the weekend with an infant in tow. According to several sources Batman may apparently be a parent. Or perhaps he was just babysitting the tyke. Either way, overnight Saturday/early Sunday morning some unlucky Gotham City criminals insist that their captor, The Dark Knight himself, was patrolling the streets with a child strapped to his chest. 

Vincent “Vinnie” Cecchi, 55, spoke to me from the pay phone at Gotham precinct where he was held over the weekend on charges of burglary and disturbing the peace. 

“I thought it was Robin, ya know. Batman’s sidekick there. Last time I had a run in with the Bat, I ran into Robin first, see. He laughed before I saws (sic) him,” Cecchi started his explanation of the events he swears are true. 

“So I hear this laugh. Like a giggle really. But it sounds wicked young so I don’t think nothing of it. Probably just some mom taking a midnight stroll with her kid, or whatever.”

“How young?” I asked Cecchi when he stopped to take a breath.

“Huh? Oh I’m not very good with ages. Maybe a few months old. I don’t know, man. I just know that when The Bat stepped out of the shadows - there was a baby strapped to his chest. In one of those, what’s it called, uh, a baby carrier thing. What’s it called?”

“A baby carrier?” I supplied. 

“Yeah, yeah. One of those. So anyways, this kid is in the baby carrier, facing forward. And he’s got his own [expletive removed] mask. One of those masks like Robin has. ‘Cept this ain’t no Robin. It’s a baby. Where the Bat got a baby, I dunno.” Cecchi said.

“So the child was wearing a mask?”

“Yeah, man. It was trippy ‘cause this kid, this baby is enjoying this stuff, ya know. He’s laughing and-“

“You’re sure the child was a he?” I interrupt. 

“I’m pretty sure, but I didn’t exactly stop and ask for proper pronouns. Anyways, kid must have had his Wheatie’s that morning ‘cause he kicked me. Hard. In the head.”

I asked for clarification. “This several month old baby… kicked you? In the head?”

“Hard, man. I think he was wearing steel-toed booties, ya know. Look, man. I know that it sounds weird, but I swears to ya, it’s the truth.” 

Cecchi also described the child as wearing a red and black heavy insulated coat. He says the child wore a red knit stocking hat with black bat shaped ears. Cecchi has also claimed that the child was using a Batman themed pacifier. 

Of course no self respecting reporter would truly ever take a criminal at their word in regards to something that is so very unlike our dark hero of the night. Well after speaking with several sources, including the arresting office, Sgt. Patrick O’Keefe, I had to re-think my position. 

“I hate to give credence to what sounds like a rumor, but yeah, Batman had a child strapped to his chest. Hand to God.” O’Keefe said, agreeing to be quoted for the purposes of this article. 

I had to press, “Did you question why he had a child with him?”

“Of course, I did,” he chuckled, “He said that it was ‘take your child to work day’, if you can believe it. But then he smiled. It was creepy. I don’t know where he got the baby to be honest.”

After several more confirmations from others who wished to remain anonymous, I couldn’t deny that perhaps there is truth to this story.

Finding any sort of information about the Batman is hard to confirm. It is known that local Gotham billionaire Bruce Wayne has helped the Justice League of America secure funding in the past, but their public relations department haven’t been able to provide any details that aren’t already known. 

So whomever the child was that was lucky (or unlucky? maybe?) enough to hang out with Batman over the weekend, we’re not sure. It is likely we’ll never know. 

Incidentally ‘Take Your Child to Work Day’? It’s April 22.

  
  


\--

  
  


“Father? What is the meaning of this?” Damian yelled as his father entered the dining room.

Bruce looked at Damian who was waving a newspaper in his face. Tim stood next to him with his arms crossed in front of his chest, looking at him with what he recognized as disapproval. He grabbed the paper out of Damian’s hand and finally looked at the headline. 

“Oh yeah, Clark called and told me about this,” Bruce acknowledged. 

“You knew? Worse. You’re admitting you brought Jason out on patrol? You’ve gone mad,” Damian was seething. 

“You were off world. Fiona has a stomach flu and Alfred was attending to her. I couldn’t leave him home alone.”

Damian’s eyes widened even larger, though he wasn’t sure how that was possible. “You could have stayed home with him,” he practically shrieked. 

“Seriously B, why would you bring him out with you?” Tim questioned. 

“I had been looking into this string of burglaries for a few months now, I figured out where they were going to hit next. I made a calculated risk. It paid off,” Bruce defended his actions to his children. 

“He’s eight months old. If he had gotten hurt… If he had gotten hurt, I would never forgive you,” Damian left the room. 

Bruce wanted to argue that nothing happened to Jason. He was fine. Damian was all bluster over nothing. 

“I know that because nothing happened, that you think that what you did was okay. It isn’t,” Tim added before he followed Damian out of the room. 

Bruce scrubbed a hand down his face and looked at Jason who was sitting in the high chair munching on Cheerios. “I messed up, didn’t I?”

“Indeed, sir,” Alfred said, coming into the dining room with Bruce’s breakfast and coffee. 

“He had fun. He was safe the entire time. The criminals took one look at him and dropped their guns. No one wants to hurt a baby.”

Alfred paused and tilted his head at him. “I know that you know that is not true. Especially in this town. You were lucky this weekend. If I find that you have brought him out again, I will not forgive you either.”

“Alfred?”

Alfred retrieved Jason from the highchair and left the room with him. Bruce was left alone. He picked up the paper and glanced at the headline. He tossed the paper back on the dining room table and sat down with a sigh. 

“Yup. I messed up.”


End file.
